Reflection
shared by Jamie O'Clock
10/12/03

As we have been involved with this series on the Beatitudes, I have seen Dan, Christian, and Vergil wrestle through these difficult words spoken by our Lord and Savior. At times the pain has been visibly evident on their faces. I too have been confronted by the radical differences between the teaching of Matthew five and the practice of my daily life. The following are thoughts that I have formed into a reflection based out of this struggle with the Sermon on the Mount.

It seems the Christian culture, for the most part, assumes we are blessed because we deserve it. The main concerns in this life revolve around maintaining the blessings of stability and physical comfort, signs of our success. And part of me is satisfied with that message, hoping that I can sort of amuse myself to death, performing random acts of kindness along the way. But that kind of life does not resonate with another part of me, the part that reads Matthew, chapter five, and finds comfort only for those who have lost.

When I think about how I want to live and who I want to be according to those words, compared to what I should be doing to be a responsible and desired individual according to my culture, I find a great divide. The unspoken message I too often hear (in so many words and paraphrases) is that the blessed Christian man is a nice guy with a nice job and nice clothes that lives in a nice house with a nice car, has a nice paycheck, and is looking forward to a nice retirement. His hopes are for a nice looking wife (her character is completely irrelevant as long as she can keep up appearances) and 2.5 nice children who will someday grow up to be nice just like him.

When I think about that, something inside curls into a knot, like a noose around my spiritual life. For that perspective of polite compliance doesn't add up to the red letters I read... Blessed are the deprived in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who suffer loss, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the unpretentious, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who desire righteousness out of their need, for they will be filled. Blessed are those who give second chances, for they will be given a second life. Blessed are those who are persecuted for His name's sake... Persecution? What's that?

For many years I have been able to combine physical comfort with the cross, two seemingly irreconcilable differences. Most of the time, my conscience dies daily to accommodate my comfort. Rare are the moments, like jewels in my memory, when I gave up pride to provide a pipeline for God's love to flow through.

So what do I do with this fresh reminder of my complete ineptitude to be the man God says I am? Maybe I heard wrong. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Perhaps I misread those red letters, and the message is much simpler. Perhaps there is a way to combine being comfortable with Christianity. How should I respond?

Extremes don't seem appropriate... Who listens to preachers on street corners these days? If anything, they're mistaken for beggars and given pocket change. And seeking out martyrdom is just plain foolish, isn't it? No, jumping off an extreme to soothe my conscience is not the way. Is it? In any case, I can't risk that. That wouldn't be a wise move, right?

Yet, the examples I read in Scripture seem to repeatedly imply that life is wasted without great sacrifice. Something has to give. As I wrestle with my comfort and my conscience, I do not know how to respond, except by seeking opportunities to shine where there is darkness and, when the choice is before me, to do what I believe is Christ-like. God help me. May this confession not serve to soothe my weary conscience without further action. Lord, revive the new creation slumbering within. Awaken my soul to the gift of being a part of your family, an heir to that which I do not deserve.