We received $50,000 for the Cathedral Fund this past week from a member who said it was the biggest check they had ever written in their life.
Romans 8:15-17 (Page
800). “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear,
but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba,
Father." 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are
God's children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs-- heirs of God and
co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may
also share in his glory.”
The consequences of the
fatherlessness crisis are staggering. Some
fathering advocates would say that almost every social ill faced by
Poverty is a major consequence. In 1996, young children living with unmarried mothers were five times as likely to be poor and ten times as likely to be extremely poor. Almost 75% of American children living in single-parent families will experience poverty before they turn 11 years old. Only 20 percent of children in two-parent families will do the same.
The incidence of drug and alcohol
abuse is related. The
Growing up without a father impacts the physical and emotional health of a child. A study on nearly 6,000 children found that children from single parent homes had more physical and mental health problems than children who lived with two married parents. Children in single-parent families are two to three times as likely as children in two-parent families to have emotional and behavioral problems. Three out of four teenage suicides occur in households where a parent has been absent.
It impacts how well they do in school. In studies involving over 25,000 children using nationally representative data sets, children who lived with only one parent had lower grade point averages, lower college aspirations, poor attendance records, and higher drop out rates than students who lived with both parents. Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school. School children from divorced families are absent more, and more anxious, hostile, and withdrawn, and are less popular with their peers than those from intact families.
There is also a relationship to the
incidence of criminal activity. Children
in single parent families are more likely to be in trouble with the law than
their peers who grow up with two parents.
A study in the state of
1.7 times more likely to become an offender and 2.1 times more likely to become a chronic offender if male.
1.8 times more likely to become an offender and 2.8 times more likely to become a chronic offender if female.
10 times more likely to become a chronic juvenile offender if male and born to an unmarried teen mother.
The lack of a father impacts the rate of teenage sexual activity and teen pregnancy. Adolescent females between the ages of 15 and 19 years reared in homes without fathers are significantly more likely to engage in premarital sex than adolescent females reared in homes with both a mother and a father. Children in single parent families are more likely to get pregnant as teenagers than their peers who grow up with two parents. A white teenage girl from an advantaged background is five times more likely to become a teen mother if she grows up in a single-mother household than if she grows up in a household with both biological parents.
It is not as though these adverse consequences can be eliminated entirely by substituting other adults to take the place of the missing parent. There is great value of a teacher or some other adult person becoming a role model. But in the end, there is no substitute for mom or dad. As a society we have become painfully aware of these facts. However, the advocates of same-sex marriage pretend these facts don’t exist. They tell us that eliminating dad or mom is of no consequence as long as there is another loving adult to take their place. All the facts that we cite here demonstrate otherwise. Dad might not be everything he could be but you can’t replace him with just another person. A child needs their dad!
We can change or reverse those trends with
a few key ideas.
Dad, I know there are times you feel very inadequate. You don’t know what to say or what to do. When you feel that way remember this, just being there is 75% of the job done. Trust the Lord and ask for his help with the other 25% and you will do quite well. Be there with your wife. The idea that your kids will be better off if you and the wife go separate ways is not true. Be there with your kids. Raising kids is a lot like going to work. You need to show up!
The role of the father is not to solve problems for their kids. Rather, the wise father allows his children to experience enough of a challenge to help them grow to the next level. This is how God deals with us. I think most of us dads feel a little short of confident. It is really hard being a parent. Knowing how much to help and how much to step back is difficult. You want to help but if you take over, they don’t get a chance to grow. Maybe we can learn from how God works. When he helps us, he requires us to be involved. We have to pray and we have to work. We have to deal with the uncertainty.
Our prayer should be that God would help us deal with our kids the way he deals with us. Think how God has worked with you. God’s combination of discipline and mercy are perfect. We need to provide discipline but also grace, just like God does with us.
Provide encouragement to your children. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says it directly: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
Live a consistent life. I have tried to assess what it is that my father has given me. There are many things to be mentioned but one thing might easily be overlooked. That is the power of a consistent lifestyle and mood. He is predictable. It assures me that the world is not random, but orderly. Actions will always yield certain types of reactions. We can say that of God. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is always true to his word.
[1] The
statistics for this sermon came from the website of the